I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
