chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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