Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
