Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
