dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
