Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
