ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
