Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
