Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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