So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
