I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
