i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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