Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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