its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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