alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
