We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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