and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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