oh god the rape fog is back!
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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