i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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