Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
