I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
