I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
