Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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