i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
