Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
