who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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