sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
