Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
