OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
