i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
