I wish I could teleport
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
