You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
