he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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