Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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