I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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