Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
