I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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