his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
