Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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