she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
