U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The uberlube is also flammable
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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