Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
