this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
