Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
there is puke in my bra ... again
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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