My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
