she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
