Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There r osticjed everywhere
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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