4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
