So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
