y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize