Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
