My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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