All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
