I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
